Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
