i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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