I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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