**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
