This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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