I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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