so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize