I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
