What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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