Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
