He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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