apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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