Will you blow on my dice?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
