so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
where are you?
Hypothermia
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
