i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
