nut hugger
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
