I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
