I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
try to milk me bitch
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