I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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