i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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