I want to have your abortion
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
