is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
