Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
