Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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