I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
