This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
