Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
