I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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