I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
