yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
