dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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