so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
