paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
