Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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