YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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