I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
