I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Randomize
