i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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