My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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