Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He passed out mid-signature
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
