Only a mothe r could love this liver
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
