can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
