Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
