I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.