I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.