Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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