Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
