I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
