you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
