My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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