i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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