We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
