getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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