This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
