I'm drive I can fine osifer
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just puked most of my soul out..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
