So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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