oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
