I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This is my gift to your gina
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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