I'm eating all of the evidence.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
