The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
