my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
