K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
