i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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