Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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