cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
