what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
