Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
