Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i think im in europe. pls send help
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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